ChillSpot Online: Our Art is Life

Damn, you’re sexy!
I’d suck your dick until Wednesday!
Yeah, I said that shit. I’m nasty as hell.
The only thing nastier than me
is what some people think of me.
But I don’t give a crap about that.
I’m too damn cool for that,
in fact, I’m too cool for HIV,
Gonoree
or Syphali …
Get me?
I fuck for pleasure. I fuck for fun,
I’ll fuck your man, your woman, your son,
I’ll ride em hard until they cum,
Then keep on going till I’m done,
That bitch you always be hearin’ bout?
I’m the muthafuckin one!

Okay, so maybe I’m not that bitch, but I’ve been called it, or thought of as it, if by no one else, then by me. See, I got this yearnin, this burning lust, that means I just must fuck a dick when I get it near me, clearly that ain’t always the best way to go. Mainly it get me called a hoe, but that ain’t nuthin I ain’t dealt with before. The killer about this whole thing is that I’m madly in love and married. Right, married. And my husband loves me very much and satisfies me with his every stroke. But he cain’t fulfill my urges, wishes desires to get that hot shit up in me. So I go online, where like grapes off the vine the men are sweet on me. They come from all around the region to season this thang. Tenderize and mesmerize, but never hypnotise, but I’m trying to get wise to the game.
I told my hubby about all this, and he was okay … with a few caveats … No taking it in the rear, no more naughty pics, no bareback dicks and no swallowing …
I love my man, but I just can’t squash my appetite, for everything but one thing: big black meat. Yeah, I said that shit. I fucked with a mandingo who was packing 14 inches if he packed one, and he fucked my shit so hard and so long that I wasn’t right for a week. Even now when I think of that shit my pussy throbs … so it ain’t racial when I think twice about making nice with the dark secrets the brothas keep in their pants…
but I’m trying to turn over a new tree, become a new me, not a cleaner me, just a better me, one who can have a man in her house and not fuck him, suck him or ride him. A me who can see a man for more than his spare parts, and thus, see me for more than mine. So, what I guess I’m saying is that I’m becoming a better hoe? Ya know?

I went away to school for reasons I’m not even about to go into.
Cause it ain’t none of your business.
So don’t ask.
But anyway, I went out of state to school, and I met a boy.

He was the shit. He liked me, he liked the things I liked and I loved him for it. As things go, however, there was a lot about this boy I didn’t know. And oh boy, when it came out … it hit hard. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Before shit went bonkers, there was a lot of love … and a love of making love. It was wonderful. He was sensitive and caring and attnentive to my needs, indeed, he was the ideal man.
Bullshit!
It all turned to straight bullshit once I got pregnant.
How did I get pregnant? We used condoms!?!
Oh, it was so cute when he said our babies would be cute so we should have one, and shit like that. But this stupid idiot was poking holes in the condoms, busting them ON PURPOSE trying to conceive … and when he did, he turned to shit. He thought I was going to abort, so he stressed the shit out of me, threatened me … but that wasn’t the end.
His wife didn’t appreciate my situation one bit. Yeah, I said his wife. The fucker was married! And when I lost the baby, he kept riding me … saying I lost it on purpose … what the fuck!?!? I left him, I left there, I left school because that wasn’t the kind of education I was ever looking to attain.

I was surfin da web wen I seen dis site, axing for peeple to write about things they ben thru. I dont type so good, but I wanned to tell my side of things I ben thru. Imma ask the guy who runs da site to fix my grammer and cleen it up so I wont embaras myself…

I’m too young to be going through the things I’ve been through. I have three children. Two sons and a daughter. Only my youngest lives with me. Long story. But isn’t that what this space is for? I’m not about to mince words. I’ve been raped several times. I’ve been beaten to a pulp, left without a dime, my children in foster care, my ass in the wind. I’ve drank until my head felt filled with cement, and smoked until each breath burned my nostrils right down into my lungs.

I work at a loser ass fast food restaurant, slinging crap into the world, just like it slings it right back at me. When your food hits the floor, if no one is watching, I serve it to you. It’s not that I’m mean, I just don’t care that much. No one cared about me. Not the man who raped me and got me pregnant, not my nasty pedofile ass brother, who molested my daughter and will be invited home by my mother when his juvenile incarceration ends. No one. If this is supposed to be about redemption, I think mine won’t qualify. I have no idea how to be redeemed, because I just don’t fuckin value myself that much to begin with. I have no redeeming qualities. I take care of my son, but he’s a monster, and I had a hand to play in it, shit – I lost him for most of his life to foster care – he’s still a toddler and already showing signs of stress and delinquency. Will he grow up and beat his baby mama, or go from middle school to prison? I don’t know, but I can’t do much to help him. Or me.

So what the hell am I evolving into? Something that I wish would never exist. ….

I wanned to thank u fo reedin my feelins. I hope u don’t jugde me badlt an that u taek sumthin away frum it. TTYL. Bye.